Quotes (Normal Quotes, Band Jokes & Sarcasm)

For those of you who don't know (which will probably be most to all of you) I am a very quote-loving person. My friends hate it. I don't. It's wonderful. So, right now, while I sit sick in bed, I feel like posting a quote or two. Enjoy!

Found on Google; www.quotes99.com

A few moments later.*a whole bunch of time later* *aka like a couple weeks or something crazy like that.* Okay. Take a seat. I'm going to tell you a story. This post was published 9-19. Yeah. Today is 10-6. Okay, now for the good part. Before this edit, this post was only forty nine words. Well. I posted this a while ago, and since then, my English teacher has decided that every post must be 500 words. Now, what am I supposed to do? Go back and delete all these posts? To be honest, I'm too not bothered enough to just delete all my non-500 word posts. So I'm going to come in and write random stuff about how I wish that he could've not had us do this. You know what. I'm going to end up moving all this to another post sometime. Or deleting it all together. I think I'm going to converge the posts with non-500 words. Uno momento cuando yo voy a mirar (into it). Translate into english: One moment while I go to look into it.
I am combining my two Quote posts right now. So here is my copy and pasted stuff:
I'm very sorry if any of these quotes/posts ever hurt anyone's feelings, but you've got to put aside your own personal feelings and not take offense and laugh anyway because either way, deep down and honestly, they're really funny!

fungerms.com 

3 am phone call... "Hey are you asleep??" ... "No I'm skydiving..”

Chocolate comes from cocoa,

which is a tree,

that makes it a plant.

Chocolate is salad!

“Did you just fall?”

“No. I attacked the floor.”
“Backwards?”

“I’m freaking talented!”

Good girls are found on every corner of the Earth.

BUT, unfortunately the Earth is round.

Sarcasm: just one of the many services I offer.

It's still only 319 words (not including these words). So I'm going to go look and see what else I can smash onto this post that makes sense.
I'm really sad to be drafting my "Today's Band Jokes" post, but it has to be done in order for me to pass these blogging assignments so here you go:

Found on Google; credit to www.inktastic.com

Top 10 Reasons To Play The Clarinet:

10. Small case fits easily into lockers.

9. Almost no tuning needed.

8. Cheapest reeds of the woodwind instruments.

7. Everyone looks cute when playing a clarinet.
6. The mouthpiece alone makes a great peacock call.

5. The bell makes a great duck call.

4. Clicking the keys just right sounds like a galloping horse.

3. High notes beat fingernails scraping across blackboard.

2. In the right hands it becomes a lethal weapon.

1. No spit valve.

Alright. There are 488 words before these few. So my little closing thing will be enough to cover 500.
I really hate to do this, but I have to get up my slightly annoying anger out right now.
Before I begin, I apologize sincerely to Mr. Parker for this:
RAWR WHY DO WE HAVE TO HAVE FIVE HUNDRED WORDS AND A PICTURE AND HYPERTEXT. I MEAN I'D GET IT IF IT HAD TO BE ONE OR THE OTHER OR THE OTHER, BUT ALL OF THEM TOGETHER ARE REALLY ANNOYING. WHAT IF I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO READ MY FUNNY BAND JOKES/QUOTES. LIKE RAWR.
Okay I'm done.
Please forgive me, Mr. Parker, if you end up reading that.